Nobody’s Reading Your Emails Because They SUCK

Your marketing emails are probably going straight to the trash bin, unopened and unloved … and no, it’s not because people “just don’t read emails anymore.” They do, but they’re just not reading yours. Why? Because your emails SUCK.

Ouch, I know. But sometimes tough love is what we need.

The truth is, unless your promotional emails have something genuinely valuable to offer, they’re dead on arrival … and I don’t mean “free shipping over $50” valuable. I mean something good. Something your audience can’t resist clicking on. Otherwise? Straight to the dreaded “delete” button.

So, let’s break down why your emails are flopping harder than a bad reality show spin-off (sorry Denise Richards,) and more importantly, how to fix it.

Your Subject Lines Are Boring.

If your subject line sounds like it was written by a robot intern who hasn’t slept in a week, nobody’s opening your email.

“Don’t miss our September newsletter.” Snooze.
“Weekly update from [insert brand name here].” Delete.

Your subject line is literally the front door to your email, if it looks bland, nobody’s walking in. It needs to be punchy, fun, and to the point without trying too hard. Think:

“Your weekend just got better 🎉”

“You forgot something (and it’s really good.)”

“Warning: this deal expires faster than your iced latte melts.”

You don’t need to be a comedian or a poet, but you do need to make people curious enough to click.

Your Emails Aren’t Pretty Enough.

Yes, we live in a superficial world, and your emails need to look good. If your email is a wall of text with zero formatting, it’s going in the trash faster than a coupon for $1 off expired yogurt.

People want emails that are visually engaging. Clean layouts, easy-to-read fonts, strong branding, and subtle animations or graphics that feel intentional. Think of your email like Instagram Stories, it’s gotta be tappable, skimmable, and pretty enough to hold attention.

Pro tip: break up text into short, snappy paragraphs (like this one) and use visuals to lead people down the page. No one has time for your manifesto about “the story behind our fall collection” if it looks like a textbook.

Your CTAs Are Shouting Instead of Nudging.

Nobody likes spammy sales tactics, and the “BUY NOW!!!” button in neon red isn’t fooling anyone. Calls to action (CTAs) need to feel subtle and inviting, not like you’re about to kick down their door with a credit card machine.

Instead of plastering “Shop Now” everywhere, try variations that feel softer and more human:

“See what’s new.”

“Treat yourself (you deserve it.)”

“Come take a peek.”

When your CTA feels like a helpful suggestion instead of a demand, people are much more likely to click.

You’re Giving Nothing in Return.

Here’s the hard truth: if you’re not offering something valuable, your email is useless … and “valuable” doesn’t always mean discounts. It could mean:

A helpful tip or how-to.

Exclusive access to a new drop.

A sneak peek behind the scenes.

Early access before the general public.

If every email you send is just “hey, buy our stuff,” you’re training your audience to ignore you. Instead, train them to expect value every time they open an email from you. That’s how you build loyalty.

You’re Basically a Spammer.

Look, if you’re sending emails every single day, people are going to get annoyed, and once they start ignoring your emails (or worse, marking them as spam,) you’re setting yourself up for long-term failure.

Landing in the spam folder isn’t just bad luck, it’s bad email hygiene. The more people stop engaging with your emails, the more email providers (Gmail, Outlook, etc.) will automatically dump you in spam, and clawing your way back out of spam hell is not fun.

So here’s the rule: only send an email if it has something worth saying. If you’re struggling to come up with something valuable? Don’t send one.

You’re Forgetting About Mobile.

Quick reminder: most people are opening your emails on their phones. If your design looks cute on desktop but turns into a hot, squished mess on mobile, congrats, you just lost half your audience.

Mobile-friendly design is non-negotiable. Test your emails, make sure they load quickly, and keep in mind that people are probably reading them while standing in line for coffee. Short and sweet wins every time.

Your Emails Don’t Sound Human.

Nobody wants to open an email that reads like it was written by a corporate overlord (or even worse, a “sassy” AI.)

“Dear valued customer, we’re pleased to announce our latest product offering.” Barf.

Your brand needs to have a personality, and your emails should reflect that. Talk to your audience the same way you’d talk to them on social media: casually, with a little spark. If your emails feel robotic, they’ll get treated like spam.

You’re Not Measuring Anything.

Here’s where a lot of brands go wrong: they send out email after email, but they’re not looking at the data. Open rates, click-through rates, conversions, unsubscribes, they all tell a pretty important story.

If your open rates are low, your subject lines need work. If your click-throughs are weak, your CTAs aren’t strong enough. If unsubscribes are spiking, you’re annoying people.

Data isn’t scary, it’s your roadmap to better emails.

So, Why Do Your Emails Suck?

Because you’re treating them like a box you have to check instead of a chance to genuinely connect with your audience. Email marketing still works, and it works really well, if you do it right.

Punchy subject lines, pretty designs, real value, and human voices. That’s the magic formula.

Wrapping it Up (and a Little Help if You Need It)

If your emails are going unopened, unread, and unloved, it’s not because email is dead, it’s because your emails need a glow-up. The good news? It’s fixable.

… and hey, if you’re sitting here realizing your emails might actually … suck, don’t stress. This is literally what we do at Mochi Digital Marketing. We create campaigns that people actually open (and, more importantly, click.) If you need help making your email marketing not only tolerable but exciting, you know where to find us. (Hint: it’s right HERE.)