Dumb S*%t You Need to Stop Spending Money on, Lovingly Written by Your Internet Big Sister
I’m here to give you some tough love, cold brew in hand, because I care about you (and your bank account.) We need to talk about the dumb, trendy shit you do not need to keep buying. Yes, it’s shiny … yes, it’s all over TikTok … and yes, influencers will convince you that your life will be incomplete without it. But here’s the truth: most of it is overpriced junk designed to drain your wallet faster than you can say “add to cart.” So let’s go through the offenders one by one, shall we?
Actually hold up, before we get started. In the upcoming paragraphs I am going to come across as … well, a hater. Let me take this time to assure you that while I can be a hater, I am not an actual hater … at least not in this specific scenario. This isn’t coming from a place of judgment, because if I can be entirely honest with you, I may or may not have made a less-than-genius purchase in my life here or there … whether that purchase winds up in one of my closets, my office, my kitchen … or even my garage. The intention of this blog is to serve as a reminder to be THOUGHTFUL about your consumption, not serve as a one-sided beat-down where I belittle you for your interests, tastes, or spending habits. I promise you, judgment is not being passed, and (wait ‘til you hear this,) you are allowed to enjoy what you enjoy, dislike what you dislike, and make decisions for yourself! Just because some random chick on the internet thinks [product X] is lame or unnecessary, doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily feel that way, and that’s okay. Please continue to be you and don’t change the core of who you are just because somebody online was a little critical. With that being said, please remember: your purchases don’t make you who you are, the items that you own aren’t personality traits, and alternatively, the items you don’t own or can’t afford, they definitely don’t define you.
Alright, now that the disclaimer’s out of the way, let’s talk about where we can cut spending (and with good reason!)
The Rhode Lip Gloss Phone Case
I get it, Hailey Bieber made “glazed donut” skin a whole thing along with … what was it … strawberry milk nails? Rhode’s branding is chic … but girly pop … a lip gloss phone case? This is not practical. First of all, who actually wants sticky lip gloss smears all over their phone? (You KNOW that happens.) Second, the whole point of a phone case is to protect your phone, not double as a beauty organizer. It’s a gimmick, and you know it. Cute packaging doesn’t mean you need it. Keep your gloss in your bag like a normal person. Also … it’s such a big, clunky, goofy looking thing. You can have a phone case with quite literally anything on it, Hello Kitty, leopard print, sequin sparkles or even a phone case that makes your iPhone look like a house phone, but you choose a … big, clunky, labia-esque hunk of rubber? Very odd choice.
The Dyson Airwrap
Listen ... I love a good hair day as much as the next person, but dropping $600+ on a hair tool is straight-up unhinged unless you’re a professional stylist or an heiress to an hotel-chain fortune. The Airwrap is supposed to be the holy grail of effortless curls, but spoiler alert: you can get similar results with a $40 (or less) curling wand and a little patience. Additionally, Dyson acts like their device is going to change your life, but you still have to do your hair. You’re not suddenly waking up as Kylie Jenner (which depending on your level of KarJenner appreciation, could very well be a good thing.)
Crumbl Cookies
This might be my hottest take, but Crumbl cookies are basically sugar bricks in a pink box. Yes, they look good on Instagram, but one bite and you’re drowning in a saccharine sea. Plus, they’re like $5 a cookie. FIVE. For that price, you could buy an entire pack of Oreos and still have change for milk. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fun as a once-in-a-while treat, but please stop pretending they’re the pinnacle of dessert. It’s like eating a brick made of wet, flavorless sand with grainy paste on top. I have a bomb-ass cookie recipe, like seriously, my family begs me for it, if you want it just shoot me a message. I would much rather share my prized recipe with you than know you spent FIVE DOLLARS ON A DAMN COOKIE.
Taylor Swift’s 39 Vinyl Variants
I know, I know, don’t come for me, Swifties (or do, I don’t really care lol.) Is Taylor’s music my cup of tea? Not really, but I can respect her as a singer/songwriter/performer, clearly she is talented enough to be well loved the world over and I think that’s great ... but. BUT. The vinyl hustle is just … exhausting … and frankly? Kind of insulting to her fan base tbh. Do you really need 39 versions of the same album? No, you don’t. It’s marketing genius, sure, but it’s also manipulative as hell. Unless you’re planning to open your own mini museum of Taylor vinyl, buy one version you love and move on. Spend the rest of that money on concert tickets or literally anything else. I say this as somebody who actually collects vinyl. At one time I had over 400 albums in my collection, but did I have the same album twice? Helllllllllll no. Some of my favorite artists have released re-editions, or have had variants as well, I either buy one of my favorites or skip it entirely. Never in my life have I seen so many variants, Taylor knows she’s exploiting her young fan base’s love of her, which granted, many artists do this, that’s the nature of celebrity … but it just feels … gross. She’s already a billionaire who doesn’t use her platform for any good that’s not entirely self-serving, you don’t need to add to it. *exhales.*
Celebrity Supplements (Looking at You, Lemme)
Celebrity “wellness” brands love to act like they’ve unlocked the secret to perfect health … and it’s always in gummy form. Kourtney Kardashian’s Lemme gummies are the perfect example: pricey little sugar pills dressed up in trendy packaging. It’s literally Sugar Bear Hair all over again (#tbt.) Most of them don’t do anything you can’t get from a balanced diet, and some could even mess with your health. Don’t gamble with your body because a Kardashian told you to. Go to an actual doctor, not Kourtney’s gummy jar.
Daily Coffee Shop Runs
WAIT DON’T GO - I PROMISE THIS ISN’T THE WHOLE “DON’T BUY A LATTE EVER AGAIN SO IN TWO MONTHS YOU CAN BUY A HOUSE ARGUMENT. (I am not that insufferable! Typically!) This one hurts me to say because I love a bougie latte moment, but let’s be real: if you’re dropping $7 every single day at Starbucks, that’s not “self-care,” that’s a time-management and budgeting problem. Coffee out should be a treat, not a lifestyle, and I don’t even mean that from a purely financial perspective, as a former barista who loves to make her own coffee treats at home, I promise with even the smallest amount of skill it can taste so much better. Learning how to make good coffee at home will save you a ton of money (and low-key makes you feel like a barista goddess in your own kitchen). Buy a cute mug, get some flavored syrups, and suddenly your homemade oat milk latte hits just as hard. I make my own cold brew (and taught my husband how to,) which changed my life, that plus some Torani syrups? BLESSED. (If you want my whole bean coffee and coffee preparation recommendations, send me a message, I’d love to fill you in!) (Not sponsored or an MLM pitch lol, just a girl who’s passionate about good coffee.)
Stanley Tumblers
At some point, a water bottle stopped being a water bottle and turned into a personality trait ... and listen, hydration is hot … but paying resale prices north of $100 for a pastel cup? That’s insanity. It holds water. Just water. Spoiler alert: your Walmart tumbler or even your trusty Nalgene does the exact same thing. Don’t let FOMO make you financially irresponsible. I actually own a Stanley, my best friend bought us matching ones for the holidays a few years ago, but you wanna know what I haven’t done since then? Buy another water bottle. I’m not saying don’t get a Stanley if that’s your cup of choice … you just don’t need 7 … or even, frankly, 2 of them.
“Aesthetic” Seasonal Junk
I’m looking directly at all the pumpkin-printed blankets, Christmas mugs, and Easter bunny dish towels clogging your cart every few months. Do you need a little seasonal joy? Absolutely. Do you need to buy 12 of the same candle just because the labels are cute? No. Trends come and go, but the landfill is forever. Pick a few things you’ll actually use and love, not just whatever will look cute in a flatlay that year. Have your good, core holiday decor that takes up a bin or two in your storage room, and let’s be real, holiday decor doesn’t need to be expensive to last even a few decades (with the possible exception of finicky Christmas lights.) I’m not saying you have to be all of your seasonal decor one time when you turn 20 and get your first apartment and you have to make it last forever without ever buying another Christmas ornament again, just be conscious of what you’re getting, don’t get too much and don’t get too trendy.
Random “Wellness” Gadgets and Supps
Face rollers. LED light masks. Detox teas. I know they all promise glowing “glass” skin, tighter pores, and a better life … but a lot of this stuff is just smoke and mirrors. If you want to invest in skincare, talk to a dermatologist and build a solid routine. That jade roller isn’t going to fix your problems, it’s just going to collect dust in your bathroom drawer until you remember to break it out, give yourself a half hearted facial massage, then fall asleep with the TV on.
The Bottom Line (in my best Stone Cold voice)
At the end of the day, I’m not saying you can never splurge or treat yourself. Life’s too short not to enjoy a little dumb shit here and there. There are billionaires who rent out and displace entire cities just to throw a tacky wedding and others that take 20 minute flights, your Venti Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino with Almond Milk but Keep the Whip Please isn’t hurting anybody. Just … don’t get trapped in the cycle of spending just to “keep up” online. Most of these trends are designed to make you feel like you’re missing out, when in reality, you’re not missing much at all.
As your internet big sister, here’s my advice: buy things that add actual value to your life, not just things that make a good Instagram story. Don’t let TikTok talk you into debt … and remember, the coolest thing you can do is live within your means and in a way that makes you, the real you, feel happy and comfortable, not your algorithm.
