Your Cold DMs Are Insufferable, Knock it Off

There was a time when opening your DMs on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Twitter (now X, for some reason,) felt like a fun little roulette. Maybe it was a friend sending you a meme, someone responding to your story, or a genuine opportunity sliding into your inbox. Fast forward to 2025, and the roulette is rigged: it’s not fun, it’s not surprising, and nine times out of ten, it’s some stranger pitching you “life-changing business growth” for the low price of your time, money, and sanity.

We need to talk about cold DMs, because your inbox, my inbox, everyone’s inbox? They’re overflowing with them … and frankly, they’ve become unbearable.

The Classic Offender: “Hey {Name}!”

You know the one. The hyper-formal yet completely hollow greeting that goes something like:

“Hey {insert name they copied from your profile}! I help small business owners like YOU scale to six figures in six weeks, want to hop on a quick 15-minute call?”

Cue the Calendly link shoved in your face before you’ve even taken a sip of your morning coffee. It’s soulless ... It’s robotic ... and let’s be honest, it’s about as engaging as a spam email trying to sell you boner pills.

Cold outreach can work when it’s intentional and personal., but when every message feels copy-pasted from a $29 template pack, it’s just noise, and not the kind of background noise you can tune out, this is nails-on-a-chalkboard energy.

The Quirky Try-Hards: Please Stop Sending Memes

Then, of course, we have the people who think they’re clever. Instead of opening with the same tired pitch, they send a meme. A “funny” SpongeBob gif with text like, “Me waiting for you to scale your business with my help 😂”.

Spoiler: it’s not funny. It’s not original. It’s forced. (Okay, SpongeBob himself is funny, but not when you use him as a proxy.)

Meme marketing can be brilliant when done authentically (we love a well-timed pop culture reference,) but using memes as Trojan horses to sneak your sales pitch into someone’s inbox? Cringe with a capital C. You’re not fooling anyone, so like, stfu.

The Silent Killers: Just “Hey”

If the “quirky try-hards” are trying too hard, the “just hey” crew isn’t trying at all. These are the people who drop into your inbox with a single, solitary word:

“Hey.”

That’s it. No context. No introduction. No reason for you to be wasting thumb energy on opening the message in the first place, and you just know that if you respond, you’re unlocking Pandora’s box of desperate pitches.

Pro tip: if you’re sliding into someone’s DMs, at least bring something to the table. If you can’t even string together a full sentence, you’re not starting a conversation, you’re starting the heaviest of eye rolls.

Why Cold DMs Feel So Gross

Okay so cold DMs aren’t inherently evil … the problem is how they’re being abused.

Social media is supposed to be, well, social. It’s a place to build relationships, connect with like-minded people, and exchange value. So when businesses and wannabe gurus flood your inbox with the same tired pitches, it cheapens the experience. Networking stops feeling authentic and starts feeling transactional.

The thing is, most of these messages don’t even consider the recipient. They’re not tailored, they’re not thoughtful, and they certainly don’t respect your time. It’s basically the modern-day version of cold-calling during dinner, intrusive, irritating, and destined to backfire (remember the feeling of slamming the home phone down on a telemarketer? God I miss it.)

There Is a Time and Place for Cold DMs

Before I sound like the most-hated neighbor yelling at kids to get off the lawn (ok but fr tho get off my lawn,) let me clarify: cold outreach isn’t always bad. There’s a difference between spamming 100 people with the same copy-paste pitch and sending a thoughtful, specific message to one person you genuinely want to connect with.

The right way to slide into someone’s DMs:

Do your homework. Actually know who you’re talking to and why.

Make it personal. Reference their work, compliment something specific and MEAN IT, and show real interest.

Lead with value. Don’t make it about what you want, make it about what they might actually gain.

Respect boundaries. If they don’t reply, take the hint. Don’t follow up six times like a clingy situationship.

In other words: treat people like people, not like potential dollar signs.

The Long-Term Problem

Here’s the bigger issue: as cold DMs get spammy, people’s patience wears thinner. Which means even the good messages, ones that are thoughtful and genuine, start getting ignored. Because by the time they land in your inbox, you’re already conditioned to roll your eyes and hit delete.

It’s the classic “boy who cried wolf” situation. Except instead of a wolf, it’s a guy named Bradley with a LinkedIn premium account trying to sell you a course on passive income.

If You’re Sending Cold DMs, Ask Yourself This…

• Would I want to receive this message?

• Does this sound like a human wrote it, or a bot?

• Am I offering something valuable, or am I just asking for time/money/energy?

• Is this a genuine attempt to connect, or am I just throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping something sticks?

If the answer to any of those leans toward “ugh,” then maybe … just maybe … you should rethink hitting send.

The Future of Networking Needs to Be Better

Look, networking online isn’t going away. Cold outreach will always be a thing, but the bar is on the floor right now, and it’s time to raise it.

If you want to build connections, focus on:

Creating good content. Let people come to you because they actually like what you’re sharing.

Engaging organically. Comment on posts, join conversations, and be an active participant in your space.

Building long-term relationships. Stop treating every DM like a one-night stand with someone’s attention span.

At the end of the day, you don’t want to be remembered as “that person who spammed my inbox.” You want to be remembered as someone worth knowing.

Final Word: Knock It Off

To all the marketers, hustlers, and growth hackers out there, this one’s for you. Your cold DMs? They’re insufferable. They’re exhausting. They’re dragging down the vibe for everyone.

So please, for the love of all things digital, stfu. Be human. Be intentional. If you must slide into someone’s inbox, at least make sure you’re not the reason they start dreading that little message notification.

The bottom line (in my best Stone Cold voice:) Cold DMs don’t have to suck, but right now, most of them do, and until businesses learn how to stop spamming and start connecting, we’ll all keep sighing every time that inbox pings.