It’s Valentine’s Day, Chill the F*%k Out

Valentine’s Day is cute. Not that you asked, it’s tied with Halloween for my favorite holidays. It’s just so camp. It’s pink and red and hearts everywhere and tiny stuffed bears holding even tinier hearts. It is not the villain. What is the villain is the wildly inflated, borderline cinematic expectation of what Valentine’s Day is supposed to look like now. Somewhere along the way, a holiday that was once about affection, intention, and maybe a slightly overpriced dinner turned into a full scale production complete with luxury branding, destination backdrops, and a soft launch engagement rumor baked into every Instagram carousel … and honestly, we need to take several deep breaths and relax.

Thanks to social media and traditional advertising doing a truly aggressive amount of heavy lifting, people now feel like Valentine’s Day has to involve grand gestures that would bankrupt a small nation. Giant Venus et Fleur boxes in the shape of your lovers’ initials that cost more than rent. Van Cleef bracelets presented like holy relics. Chanel bags staged next to champagne flutes with a city skyline behind them. Bonus points if there is a photographer hiding in a potted plant, perfectly out of the way to capture the perfectly “unexpected” candid moment that is very obviously staged. This version of Valentine’s Day is aspirational content, not reality. It is marketing. It is branding. It is not a baseline requirement for love, effort, or commitment.

Most people are not being flown to Paris. Most people are not receiving five figure jewelry on a random Tuesday in February. Most people are not waking up to rose petals spelling out a nickname on Italian marble floors … and that’s fine. More than fine, actually. The problem is not that luxury exists. The problem is that it has been positioned as the default, and anything less gets framed as disappointing, lazy, or proof that your partner does not care enough. That framing is unfair, unrealistic, and quietly damaging. “If he wanted to, he would.” Girl, stfu.

Valentine’s Day does not need to be expensive to be meaningful. It never did. It can be construction paper hearts cut out slightly crooked and glued together with too much glitter glue. It can be a card with an inside joke that only makes sense to the two of you. It can be a homemade pasta dish eaten in sweatpants with sparkling cider because neither of you likes wine (or can’t handle alcohol without letting it ruin your life … I'll stop speaking for myself here.) It can be a playlist. It can be a long walk. It can be staying in and watching a comfort movie for the hundredth time. Romance is not defined by price tags, and love does not scale in value based on how well it photographs.

There is also this strange insistence that Valentine’s Day only counts if you are in a very specific type of romantic relationship. Ideally heterosexual, monogamous, aesthetically pleasing, and publicly validated. That’s just simply boring and outdated. Valentine’s Day is about love. Full stop. Romantic love, sure, but also platonic love, familial love, chosen family, and the unconditional affection you feel for your pets who absolutely do not care what day it is but are thrilled you are home. You can celebrate Valentine’s Day with your best friends. You can celebrate with your kids. You can celebrate with your parents. You can celebrate alone in a way that feels grounding and joyful. There is no rule book that says love only counts if it comes with a reservation and a diamond.

Luxury Valentine’s Days are not the norm, no matter how much your favorite influencer or brand wants you to believe they are. Influencers are selling a lifestyle. Brands are selling aspiration. Both benefit when you feel like your reality is lacking and needs to be upgraded. That does not mean they are lying, but it does mean they are curating. You are seeing the highlight reel, not the context, not the logistics, not the credit card statement, and not the emotional reality of the relationship behind the photos. Comparing your real life to someone else’s monetized romance is a losing game, always.

There is also an uncomfortable pressure placed on partners, often men but not exclusively, to perform financially on Valentine’s Day. To prove love through spending. To equate effort with money. This is especially wild considering the current economy, where a lot of people are just trying to keep the lights on and their mental health intact. Love should not require financial stress. A holiday centered on affection should not leave people feeling inadequate, anxious, or resentful because they could not meet an arbitrary spending threshold invented by advertisers.

Valentine’s Day can be fun without being overblown. It can be intentional without being performative. It can be thoughtful without being extravagant, and it can be celebrated in ways that actually reflect your values and your relationships instead of someone else’s Pinterest board.

If you are looking for ideas that are cute, realistic, and rooted in actual human life, here are a few. Romantic partners can cook a meal together and pick a theme, like recreating a favorite trip or a cuisine you both love. You can write each other letters and read them out loud. You can do a bookstore date where you pick books for each other (one of my personal favorites.) Platonic Valentine’s dates can look like a movie night with your friends, a potluck, baking something ridiculous together, or exchanging small notes about what you appreciate in each other. Families can do heart shaped pancakes, craft nights, or a simple tradition like sharing one thing you love about each person at the table. Kids do not need grand gestures. They need presence, attention, and a little whimsy. Pets will accept treats and cuddles with zero expectations. Everyone wins.

Another thing we should probably address is how Valentine’s Day has become less about connection and more about optics. A moment is not less meaningful because it was not posted. A relationship is not less valid because it was not documented. Not everything needs to be content. Some things can just be lived. The pressure to perform romance publicly can take away from actually experiencing it privately. It is okay to opt out of that. It is okay to enjoy your day without announcing it to the internet.

It is also okay if Valentine’s Day is complicated for you. Maybe you are single and tired of being marketed to like that is a problem to fix. Maybe you are grieving. Maybe you are in a relationship that is not perfect. Maybe you just do not care that much about holidays. All of that is valid. You do not owe anyone enthusiasm, participation, or aesthetic buy in. You get to decide what the day means to you, if it means anything at all.

At its core, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love and appreciation. Not comparison. Not competition. Not consumption at an unsustainable level. Love shows up in consistency. In care. In effort that makes sense for your life and your circumstances. It shows up in listening, showing up, and choosing people again and again in ways that are often very unglamorous and deeply real.

So yes, enjoy the pink. Enjoy the candy. Enjoy the excuse to be a little extra affectionate. But chill out with the expectations. Chill out with the pressure. Chill out with the idea that love needs to look a certain way to count. The most meaningful Valentine’s Days rarely come with a receipt. They come with intention, presence, and a sense of humor about the whole thing.

It is Valentine’s Day. You are allowed to enjoy it. You are also allowed to keep it simple. Both things can be true. Just be free to enjoy.